I can't imagine anyone who would go to the doctor with their loved one, hear a diagnoses of dementia, and say, "Okay, that sounds great!" Most of us would tell the doctor they must have misread the tests, they don't know Mom like you do, thanks but no thanks!
Dementia is not an easy pill to swallow, but denial of the diagnoses may actually be more harmful in the long run than accepting what is coming and taking the bull by the horns. While at this time there is no cure for dementia or Alzheimer's, if you act early enough, you can still enjoy plenty of wonderful years with your loved one and we can always hope that a cure will be found sooner than later.
Some of the dangers of denial include the potential for accidents or injuries, delayed treatment and hygienic decline. And that is just for the dementia patient. Caregivers are also more prone to health problems as the stress of taking care of someone with memory issues can play a big part in declining health and even heart issues. The longer the denial remains, the more these risks increase.
Dementia patients are often more comfortable in a living space that is not overwhelming. A smaller community or area may be of great benefit to their mental wellness. However, when the family is in denial and insists on something they think Mom or Dad would love because they always used to enjoy the grand ballroom or the sprawling gardens, they may in actuality become more agitated because of the constant activity or noise. Placing them in an area that is not as big can give them more of a sense of security and peace.
A great example of this is pets, more specifically the canine variety. While proud Americans are thrilled to show their patriotism each year for the 4th of July holiday and they want to celebrate with all of their family members, you hardly ever see a pet mommy or daddy taking their dog to watch fireworks. Why is that? Because although the fireworks are beautiful, the human knows that the dogs' sense of hearing is heightened and the loud noises frighten him and will agitate him. And thunder jackets are also a big sell for doggy households when the spring storms roll around. If we would take the extra measure to make sure that our pets are at peace, we also need to take into consideration that our loved ones can have the same types of reactions to noise and activity. Don't force your loved one to live in a situation that is difficult for them.
It is very important to remember that a denial of the disease does not delay that disease. What it does delay is the peace that can be found by acceptance and being proactive instead of reactive. I am blessed beyond measure to work in a community with so many wonderful residents that my cup overflows. I have the luxury of knowing them exactly as they are, not as they were. Some are able to share stories of their past in the Navy, in the operating room, as a teacher. It doesn't bother me if they tell me the same thing every day. It doesn't bother me if they ask me the same questions every day. It fills me with joy to see them enjoying things like pet therapy, bingo, live entertainment. There is almost a child-like wonder in their eyes as they discover something new each and every day, even if they discovered it the day before.
Another thing to remember is dementia will never get better. There will be good days and there will be bad days, but on the good days, don't try to convince yourself that you can now take Mom home because she is "fixed." The best thing for Mom is to remain in the place she is receiving care, whether it is with a home health nurse or in a community, so she can continue to get the same level of care that gave her the good day in the first place. Step outside of the situation to get a clearer view. Allow the professionals to do what they are trained to do. Even trained medical professionals are not allowed to treat their own family lest their judgment be clouded by emotion.
The last suggestion is to refer to the Alzheimer's Association for additional information, resources, and places to reach out for support. There are support groups all over the country. Talk to your health care provider to find out who to contact in your area. Don't look at the diagnoses as a death sentence. Become an advocate. Life is what you make of it, so make it beautiful.
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