One of the toughest things to do as a family member of a dementia patient is to make the decision to move your loved-one to a community. But once that decision is made, it is very important to develop a transition plan for the move to help with the next step.
When someone with dementia moves into an assisted living community, or other type of care facility, it can be very stressful for all involved. The one with dementia is having their routine disrupted, which more than likely gave them a sense of peace and normalcy. The family may have to deal with emotional outbursts from their loved-one which may make them feel like they are being selfish or not attending to the needs of whoever it is they are helping place in a community.
The first thing to realize is any reaction is normal. Someone may be very happy to make new friends. Or they may be very angry and confused. You may see behaviors that you never witnessed before. The best thing to do is to come up with a plan to cover many bases and scenarios so you are prepared to deal with whatever might happen.
Once a community is chosen for the dementia patient, start planning with your doctor and the community for the move. The doctor may prescribe something for depression or anxiety to help prepare. Medication management is very important when it comes to the well-being of all involved. It will help alleviate the stress on the caregiver as well because the patient will have an easier time adjusting, which will help the caregiver release any feelings of guilt they may have. There is nothing to feel guilty about. People with dementia need levels of care that family members can't always provide. You are doing the best thing for your loved-one and yourself.
Start the transition to the community as soon as possible. Start going in to visit on a regular occasion so it becomes familiar. If possible, begin participating in some of the activities even prior to move-in day to help acclimate the new resident to the people and surroundings of the community. Maybe the new resident can make a friend who lives in the community. It's also a good thing to try to make a connection with one of the care givers on staff. If a relationship is established between the resident and care giver prior to moving in, this will also help alleviate some of the anxiety that may arise.
Some experts suggest using terminology for the community such as calling it a hotel, making the resident feel as if it is a temporary situation. Our community promotes itself as a resort, and with our surroundings it is easy to do so. When I am giving tours, I will tell the residents, if they ask, that I am showing someone around our resort because they may want to vacation with us. Make it feel like an adventure and not a drastic lifestyle change. Once the resident begins to adjust to the new lifestyle, they may be more welcome to the idea of the permanent placement. Or it may be that the family and staff will continue to tell the resident the situation is temporary. Whichever helps avoid any agitation is the best path.
The adjustment period isn't just for the resident, but also for the family. Their routine is also changing. There may be a sense of grief, but there may also be a sense of relief. Caring for someone with dementia is a heavy burden for anyone, especially if it is someone you have loved for years. It's okay to grieve the loss of what used to be. But there are still many wonderful days yet to come. Keep a positive attitude, especially around your loved-one. This will help the transition. And find a support group. The best medicine is sharing with people who know exactly what you are going through. They can offer insight as to what you may face, and they can offer suggestions of how to cope with the new lifestyle.
Thursday, June 28, 2018
Tuesday, June 12, 2018
"The Talk"
When you were a pre-teen or early teenager, your parents probably had "the talk" with you regarding boys and girls and love and marriage and etc. Now, it may be your turn to have a different talk with your parents.
Our parents care for us and help shape us as we go from birth to school to marriage. They are integral to who we are. So as they reach the age that they may not be able to take care of themselves, and it may be too much for you to personally take care of them, you may need to consider a better lifestyle for all of you. A lot of families struggle with the decision to place a loved one into assisted living, but the hardest part is often talking to Mom or Dad about how much it would help them have a quality life now that they are older. Here are some tips on how to approach "the talk" with your parents.
The biggest tip is to not avoid the topic. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for everyone. Communication is key in all relationships, and you need to continue to maintain that open line of communication with your parents. Maybe you aren't to the point that your parents would need assisted living, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about it. Let Mom and Dad know how much you love them, and even though they are still living life to the fullest, if there were ever a time they would need additional assistance, you want to make sure you know their wants and needs.
It is also important to know what options you have for your loved one. If you remain in communication with them or their health provider, you will know if you need an independent living community, assisted living community, or skilled nursing facility. You also need to be aware of the financial situation so you can plan accordingly. If your parents previously purchased long-term care insurance, they should be covered quite comfortably. If they are relying on Medicaid or other government assistance, the family may need to pitch in to help cover expenses. Plus the expenses differ depending on the need. Make sure to educate yourself on all of these points.
Always keep your loved one "in the loop." If Mom or Dad are involved in the decision making process, it will be an easier transition because they will not feel as if you are trying to control them. They may already feel like you are trying to get them out of the house or shut them away somewhere and they will never see you. To ease their minds, it needs to be a team effort. We have a lot of families that come to tour our community with their loved one. This has proven to be very beneficial for all. Not only can the loved one see the community, but the child or caregiver can get some peace of mind by seeing the comfort level of the one in need as they take in the surroundings.
Another tip is to keep the language upbeat and the mood fun. We promote our community as a resort. When people get to the point they need additional care, that doesn't mean that all of a sudden their personality changes and they don't enjoy what they used to. By all means, they do still enjoy it, they just need a little help to continue to do so. You can also choose your terminology wisely. For instance, if you have noticed, I always use the term "community" instead of "facility." Or even "resort." The term "facility" elicits images of a cold and sterile environment, whereas "community" seems to be a more exclusive living situation, where only certain "members" are allowed. We also utilize the term "apartment" instead of "room."
Mom and Dad may still not be as open to the idea of moving to a community as you would like them to. So make sure to listen to their concerns. Be empathetic. Don't dismiss their thoughts. Address their fears. And be prepared to tour several communities in several different locations. You want to make sure that you find the one where they will feel most at home. Do the search together and set up the schedule together. Many communities will let you eat lunch so you can see their menu options. Make a date out of it. And let them know you will not force them to go somewhere that they don't like.
There is another type of talk that you may have to have with your parents, and it would be talking to one parent when the other is reaching a point they need to have more assistance than their spouse can provide. It's very hard when you have been married to someone for 50+ years and now you have to consider not waking up to them every morning. However, being a caregiver for someone has proven to play a toll on that person's health, and it may not always be beneficial to the one needing care. Again, be empathetic. You may need to do a bit of research to find facts to support your plight. Talk with a professional about the benefits. See if you can find a local agency who sponsors a support group. They may be able to connect you with someone who was in that position and could share their story and how it worked for them.
No matter what kind of talk you need to have, just know you are not alone. You are not the first one who has had to face this, and you will not be the last. It doesn't need to be a traumatic transition. You can help turn it into an amazing opportunity for your parents or loved one. And you can continue to be a part of their daily routine if it fits with your schedule. Think of it as just moving to a different home. One with 24/7 assistance when needed. No more cooking. No more washing dishes. Your parents will now be free to enjoy each other and activities instead of the tasks they had to worry about before. Senior living is a wonderful way to spend your glory days.
Our parents care for us and help shape us as we go from birth to school to marriage. They are integral to who we are. So as they reach the age that they may not be able to take care of themselves, and it may be too much for you to personally take care of them, you may need to consider a better lifestyle for all of you. A lot of families struggle with the decision to place a loved one into assisted living, but the hardest part is often talking to Mom or Dad about how much it would help them have a quality life now that they are older. Here are some tips on how to approach "the talk" with your parents.
The biggest tip is to not avoid the topic. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for everyone. Communication is key in all relationships, and you need to continue to maintain that open line of communication with your parents. Maybe you aren't to the point that your parents would need assisted living, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't talk about it. Let Mom and Dad know how much you love them, and even though they are still living life to the fullest, if there were ever a time they would need additional assistance, you want to make sure you know their wants and needs.
It is also important to know what options you have for your loved one. If you remain in communication with them or their health provider, you will know if you need an independent living community, assisted living community, or skilled nursing facility. You also need to be aware of the financial situation so you can plan accordingly. If your parents previously purchased long-term care insurance, they should be covered quite comfortably. If they are relying on Medicaid or other government assistance, the family may need to pitch in to help cover expenses. Plus the expenses differ depending on the need. Make sure to educate yourself on all of these points.
Always keep your loved one "in the loop." If Mom or Dad are involved in the decision making process, it will be an easier transition because they will not feel as if you are trying to control them. They may already feel like you are trying to get them out of the house or shut them away somewhere and they will never see you. To ease their minds, it needs to be a team effort. We have a lot of families that come to tour our community with their loved one. This has proven to be very beneficial for all. Not only can the loved one see the community, but the child or caregiver can get some peace of mind by seeing the comfort level of the one in need as they take in the surroundings.
Another tip is to keep the language upbeat and the mood fun. We promote our community as a resort. When people get to the point they need additional care, that doesn't mean that all of a sudden their personality changes and they don't enjoy what they used to. By all means, they do still enjoy it, they just need a little help to continue to do so. You can also choose your terminology wisely. For instance, if you have noticed, I always use the term "community" instead of "facility." Or even "resort." The term "facility" elicits images of a cold and sterile environment, whereas "community" seems to be a more exclusive living situation, where only certain "members" are allowed. We also utilize the term "apartment" instead of "room."
Mom and Dad may still not be as open to the idea of moving to a community as you would like them to. So make sure to listen to their concerns. Be empathetic. Don't dismiss their thoughts. Address their fears. And be prepared to tour several communities in several different locations. You want to make sure that you find the one where they will feel most at home. Do the search together and set up the schedule together. Many communities will let you eat lunch so you can see their menu options. Make a date out of it. And let them know you will not force them to go somewhere that they don't like.
There is another type of talk that you may have to have with your parents, and it would be talking to one parent when the other is reaching a point they need to have more assistance than their spouse can provide. It's very hard when you have been married to someone for 50+ years and now you have to consider not waking up to them every morning. However, being a caregiver for someone has proven to play a toll on that person's health, and it may not always be beneficial to the one needing care. Again, be empathetic. You may need to do a bit of research to find facts to support your plight. Talk with a professional about the benefits. See if you can find a local agency who sponsors a support group. They may be able to connect you with someone who was in that position and could share their story and how it worked for them.
No matter what kind of talk you need to have, just know you are not alone. You are not the first one who has had to face this, and you will not be the last. It doesn't need to be a traumatic transition. You can help turn it into an amazing opportunity for your parents or loved one. And you can continue to be a part of their daily routine if it fits with your schedule. Think of it as just moving to a different home. One with 24/7 assistance when needed. No more cooking. No more washing dishes. Your parents will now be free to enjoy each other and activities instead of the tasks they had to worry about before. Senior living is a wonderful way to spend your glory days.
Friday, June 1, 2018
Assisted Living Versus Other Options
Many people never have contact with an assisted living community until such time as their loved one needs placement. For many, this means they are trying to make the decision about where to place mom, dad, aunt, uncle, etc., while also trying to deal with emotions that come from the realization that they can no longer care for that person on their own. This blog will attempt to provide some education on some of the different types of facilities so you can "know before you go."
We will start with the form of senior care that is most known, which is nursing homes. Back in the 80s (or at least while I was growing up), the term nursing home had a negative connotation. Maybe it was because I was young, but when I went with my grandmother to help her with bulletin boards or entertainment, I always tried to stay close to her because the environment felt cold, it smelled funny, and the residents didn't look like they were very happy to be there. While the layout is still very similar, with the hospital-style beds, shared rooms, and communal dining, the ambiance has seemed to warm somewhat over the years. However, the main goal of a nursing home is to provide long-term medical care for someone who can not live on their own. Nursing homes do not generally offer a wide array of activities as many of the residents would not be able to participate. The biggest thing to consider with a nursing home is that they can provide a higher level of medical attention than an assisted living community. The nursing home may also be more medically feesible depending on the need as the costs can be billed to health insurance and/or Medicare/Medicaid, while an assisted living facility cannot be billed to insurance, and only partial coverage is provided by Medicaid.
The next option we will examine is the health and rehabilitation facility. This can provide short-term or long-term care, again depending on the need. It is most often utilized for the recovery period after something such as surgery, accident, stroke, heart attack or the like. Many different types of therapy are offered at this facility, including physical, occupational and speech. Someone who enters the care of a rehabilitation facility is usually referred by a hospital after the patient has received initial treatment for their ailment but is not yet ready to go home. The costs of the care can be covered by insurance or government health care if the goal of the care is the overall health of the patient.
We will cover both assisted and independent living in this section, because often times a community will offer both options for potential residents. With an assisted living facility, a resident can still live a somewhat independent lifestyle, but there is someone there for them who will help when they can't complete their regular tasks. For instance, the resident can have their own room or apartment, or possibly a roommate if they prefer, so they have their own space and can bring their own belongings. But the community will take care of daily tasks like housekeeping and meal preparation. Services are offered including grooming, medication administration, memory care, and laundry just to name a few. There are shared common areas for eating and activities, and many communities will offer outings off-site with the use of a bus. There is additional surveillance and security, and depending on the level of care, it may even be enclosed with a key or passcode required for exit or entry. This is especially true of memory care facilities. With independent living, it is more of an adult community where residents may reside in apartments or villas. They do have common areas the resident can choose to utilize and partake in activities, but they also have the freedom to come and go as they please, so they may take part in activities off-site. Many of these residents still use their own vehicles, and if the community is gated, it is not to try to keep residents from exiting. It is the same level of protection as a gated community in a residential neighborhood. Services are offered in an independent living community, but do not have to be utilized. One of the great things about these communities is many of them offer an age-in-place option. While someone may start out in independent living, as their needs increase, they transition to assisted living. They would then be able to allow home health to come in when their medical needs increase, and eventually hospice when they are nearing the end of life.
I have been blessed to be able to tour many of our local communities and facilities, and am thrilled with the options for senior living. In fact, there are many places I half-jokingly ask how old you have to be to live there. The communities are beautiful, offer a wide array of activities and amenities, and all have their own unique niche. It is very important when you are considering a place for your loved one to actually go to the site you are considering and take a tour. Take a look at the facility. Is it what your loved one would feel comfortable with? Do the residents look happy? Is it clean? Would you live there?
We will start with the form of senior care that is most known, which is nursing homes. Back in the 80s (or at least while I was growing up), the term nursing home had a negative connotation. Maybe it was because I was young, but when I went with my grandmother to help her with bulletin boards or entertainment, I always tried to stay close to her because the environment felt cold, it smelled funny, and the residents didn't look like they were very happy to be there. While the layout is still very similar, with the hospital-style beds, shared rooms, and communal dining, the ambiance has seemed to warm somewhat over the years. However, the main goal of a nursing home is to provide long-term medical care for someone who can not live on their own. Nursing homes do not generally offer a wide array of activities as many of the residents would not be able to participate. The biggest thing to consider with a nursing home is that they can provide a higher level of medical attention than an assisted living community. The nursing home may also be more medically feesible depending on the need as the costs can be billed to health insurance and/or Medicare/Medicaid, while an assisted living facility cannot be billed to insurance, and only partial coverage is provided by Medicaid.
The next option we will examine is the health and rehabilitation facility. This can provide short-term or long-term care, again depending on the need. It is most often utilized for the recovery period after something such as surgery, accident, stroke, heart attack or the like. Many different types of therapy are offered at this facility, including physical, occupational and speech. Someone who enters the care of a rehabilitation facility is usually referred by a hospital after the patient has received initial treatment for their ailment but is not yet ready to go home. The costs of the care can be covered by insurance or government health care if the goal of the care is the overall health of the patient.
We will cover both assisted and independent living in this section, because often times a community will offer both options for potential residents. With an assisted living facility, a resident can still live a somewhat independent lifestyle, but there is someone there for them who will help when they can't complete their regular tasks. For instance, the resident can have their own room or apartment, or possibly a roommate if they prefer, so they have their own space and can bring their own belongings. But the community will take care of daily tasks like housekeeping and meal preparation. Services are offered including grooming, medication administration, memory care, and laundry just to name a few. There are shared common areas for eating and activities, and many communities will offer outings off-site with the use of a bus. There is additional surveillance and security, and depending on the level of care, it may even be enclosed with a key or passcode required for exit or entry. This is especially true of memory care facilities. With independent living, it is more of an adult community where residents may reside in apartments or villas. They do have common areas the resident can choose to utilize and partake in activities, but they also have the freedom to come and go as they please, so they may take part in activities off-site. Many of these residents still use their own vehicles, and if the community is gated, it is not to try to keep residents from exiting. It is the same level of protection as a gated community in a residential neighborhood. Services are offered in an independent living community, but do not have to be utilized. One of the great things about these communities is many of them offer an age-in-place option. While someone may start out in independent living, as their needs increase, they transition to assisted living. They would then be able to allow home health to come in when their medical needs increase, and eventually hospice when they are nearing the end of life.
I have been blessed to be able to tour many of our local communities and facilities, and am thrilled with the options for senior living. In fact, there are many places I half-jokingly ask how old you have to be to live there. The communities are beautiful, offer a wide array of activities and amenities, and all have their own unique niche. It is very important when you are considering a place for your loved one to actually go to the site you are considering and take a tour. Take a look at the facility. Is it what your loved one would feel comfortable with? Do the residents look happy? Is it clean? Would you live there?
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