One of the toughest things to do as a family member of a dementia patient is to make the decision to move your loved-one to a community. But once that decision is made, it is very important to develop a transition plan for the move to help with the next step.
When someone with dementia moves into an assisted living community, or other type of care facility, it can be very stressful for all involved. The one with dementia is having their routine disrupted, which more than likely gave them a sense of peace and normalcy. The family may have to deal with emotional outbursts from their loved-one which may make them feel like they are being selfish or not attending to the needs of whoever it is they are helping place in a community.
The first thing to realize is any reaction is normal. Someone may be very happy to make new friends. Or they may be very angry and confused. You may see behaviors that you never witnessed before. The best thing to do is to come up with a plan to cover many bases and scenarios so you are prepared to deal with whatever might happen.
Once a community is chosen for the dementia patient, start planning with your doctor and the community for the move. The doctor may prescribe something for depression or anxiety to help prepare. Medication management is very important when it comes to the well-being of all involved. It will help alleviate the stress on the caregiver as well because the patient will have an easier time adjusting, which will help the caregiver release any feelings of guilt they may have. There is nothing to feel guilty about. People with dementia need levels of care that family members can't always provide. You are doing the best thing for your loved-one and yourself.
Start the transition to the community as soon as possible. Start going in to visit on a regular occasion so it becomes familiar. If possible, begin participating in some of the activities even prior to move-in day to help acclimate the new resident to the people and surroundings of the community. Maybe the new resident can make a friend who lives in the community. It's also a good thing to try to make a connection with one of the care givers on staff. If a relationship is established between the resident and care giver prior to moving in, this will also help alleviate some of the anxiety that may arise.
Some experts suggest using terminology for the community such as calling it a hotel, making the resident feel as if it is a temporary situation. Our community promotes itself as a resort, and with our surroundings it is easy to do so. When I am giving tours, I will tell the residents, if they ask, that I am showing someone around our resort because they may want to vacation with us. Make it feel like an adventure and not a drastic lifestyle change. Once the resident begins to adjust to the new lifestyle, they may be more welcome to the idea of the permanent placement. Or it may be that the family and staff will continue to tell the resident the situation is temporary. Whichever helps avoid any agitation is the best path.
The adjustment period isn't just for the resident, but also for the family. Their routine is also changing. There may be a sense of grief, but there may also be a sense of relief. Caring for someone with dementia is a heavy burden for anyone, especially if it is someone you have loved for years. It's okay to grieve the loss of what used to be. But there are still many wonderful days yet to come. Keep a positive attitude, especially around your loved-one. This will help the transition. And find a support group. The best medicine is sharing with people who know exactly what you are going through. They can offer insight as to what you may face, and they can offer suggestions of how to cope with the new lifestyle.
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